To whom it may concern,
In the last issue of The Patriot, a cartoon of mine was published in the Opinion section featuring Darth Vader attempting to convince Luke Skywalker to join him in a FMU fraternity. Some FMU students took it upon themselves to deem this as an outright attack on the Greek organizations at FMU and have threatened to boycott the newspaper. While this controversy took place a number of weeks ago, I feel that my side of the story was not addressed and that certain students have yet to hear any opposing point of view on the matter. This is a letter in response to the actions taken by a portion of the FMU Greek students and the allegations that they have professed.
First, I believe that a few apologies are in order. So, hold on to your sweater vests and polo caps, because it’s about to get all apologetic up in here: I, David Jay Doughty, apologize for the fact that some of you felt affronted by my silly cartoon and were unable to view it for what it really was – a silly cartoon. I’m sorry for submitting the cartoon to my superiors while assuming that those being made fun of were mature enough to handle the innocent mockery.
I’m sorry that some of you have an ego so large, my insignificant cartoon had the power to send your worlds plummeting into a tailspin of disbelief. I apologize for the fact that some of you felt that my cartoon was detrimental to the integrity of your organization(s) when the only real damage was done by the embarrassing amount of poor character demonstrated by certain individuals in response to the cartoon. I truly am sorry for all of this.
My previous cartoons that have been featured in The Patriot have poked fun at FMU cafeteria workers, smokers and non-smokers, Hispanics, lawmakers, politicians in general, FMU professors, FOX News, NBC, The Patriot itself, and even Ben Franklin! I haven’t heard a single complaint from any of these people. So, my question is, why is it believed that the Greek organizations are supposed to be the only ones protected from my jokes?
I just wanted to make another cartoon that featured Star Wars characters. That’s all. Joking about FMU Greek Life wasn’t my first choice, but I decided to make it more relevant to FMU, thus doubling my chances for getting it published. The last time I made a Star Wars cartoon, I drew Boba Fett murdering my roommate for smoking on campus. He was murdered! Just kidding. A year-and-a-half later, he is still alive and well. His integrity was not compromised. His feelings were not hurt. Why? Because my roommate is an adult, and he understands that it was just a cartoon.
No, my cartoon is not implying that the Greek organizations are the “Dark Side.” It was just a cartoon. No, your organizations are not “going through rough and oppressive times.” It was just a cartoon. No, I did not draw the cartoon and submit it because I was “beaten up by frat boys.” It was just a cartoon. It wasn’t an attack; it was just a cartoon. It wasn’t my opinion; it was just a cartoon. I never meant any harm at all, so if you’re one of the people who found that you were highly offended by my comic, you may stop whining about it, because it was just a cartoon.
If I were in an FMU Greek organization, I would have been appalled at the enormous extent of juvenile reactions to an irrelevant cartoon, and I’m sure that there are Greek students who felt the same way. You all may think that you have revealed your wonderful “unity” or whatever to us, but all you’ve really done is show this campus how awkward it was that so many of you decided to blow this way out of proportion for no reason.
Honestly, I never had a single opinion one way or the other about the Greek organizations at FMU until I witnessed the display these past few weeks. I want you all to let that fact sink in, because I know I’m not the only FMU student who feels that way. You’ve tried so hard to make it known that your organization(s) are not to be parodied, and in doing so, you’ve painted huge targets on your backs that say, “make fun of us even more!” Rest assured, I’m tempted to do so.
In conclusion, if any of you still have a problem with this “controversy,” then I suggest you put that problem in a ditch, build yourself a sturdy bridge, and get over it. It’s not our fault that some of you feel that you are incapable of being made fun of. One day, you will learn that when some of us put pen to paper, while our motives are lighthearted and fun, nobody is safe from satire, and regardless of the Greek ideology of being “separate,” when I say “nobody,” that includes all of you.
If I were a lesser man, I would turn the tables and demand that these certain individuals apologize to me for accusing me of such negative intentions when all I did was draw a little cartoon. I would also mandate that they apologize to The Patriot staff for ridiculously insinuating that the comic was specifically published for cruel reasons against the Greek organizations.
However, I am extremely pleased that so many of you have shared my cartoon with so many others, and I think it’s safe to say that my fellow staff members and I are grateful for all of the publicity you have gathered for The Patriot. So, I tip my hat to you and politely say, “Thank you.”
By the way, good luck “boycotting” a free student newspaper. Seacrest, out.