I had high hopes when I walked into the theater to watch the newest horror flick of the
month, “You’re Next.”It looked promising. Unknown assailants trying to kill a family seemed
more likely to happen than a crazed axe murder killing frisky teenagers at a summer camp, right?
This little plot adds the “real’ factor to the film, so I settled excitedly into my seat to get the pants
scared off of me. Man, was I wrong.
It is essentially a home-invasion horror film that centers on a wealthy family at their
vacation home. The unknown assailants wear farm animal masks (yes, you heard me correctly,
farm animals masks) and kill off the family members one by one. As it turns out, two of the
brothers are paying the assailants to kill the family in order to obtain their inheritances.
Interestingly, one of the brother’s girlfriends knowsa bit about combat and ends up killing
all of the assailants and her greedy boyfriend. A police officer arrives just in time to see her kill
him and shoots her in the shoulder. The officer is then killed from a booby trap set in the house
by the girlfriend to kill the assailants. I know, plot twist, right? As the movie ends, “YOU’RE
NEXT’ flashes across the screen in big, bloody, 80s typography.
Well, my pants were definitely still on my body when the film ended. I was expecting so
much more! The film itself looked cheap. The blood looked like it was water dyed with red food
coloring; it was just too thin to be believable. The film was shot with very dark lighting, which
seemed to me like a cheap way to try to darken the mood. Also, the cheesy text at the end of the
movie was just bad.
It honestly felt like the production team was trying to make the film very serious, but as
they got farther into it, they realized just how bad it was and decided to play on the cheesy factor.
Almost in the same way our friendly neighborhood hockey-mask-wearing, machete-wielding
friend Jason Vorhees was cheesy. Except, this is not the 80s and modern film goers want to see
something believably scary; something scary enough that we need a friend to accompany us to
the bathroom. We want to see something so scary that we go home and leave all of the lights on
for a week.
“You’re Next;” however, did none of those things. I will chalk up my misguided
excitement to a well done trailer for the film that showed all of the good parts. I would advise
you not to waste your hard earned $10 on a ticket for it. Want to see a good home-invasion film?
I would recommend “The Strangers” instead. Hey, it was even shot here in Florence! If you are a
fan of cheesy horror films; however, “You’re Next” should definitely be on your “movies to